We Are Legion (We Are Bob)

Book 3: Chapter 14: Friends

Book 3: Chapter 14: Friends

Howard

May 2218

Vulcan

“This is unbelievable,” I said. “How is it that, with two hundred years of progress, men still have to wear ties?”

Bridget rolled her eyes at me as she adjusted the misbehaving article of clothing. Androids couldn’t choke—I’d checked the blueprints—but something about a suit and tie just made me feel like I was being slowly strangled.

“You, sir, are a big baby.” Bridget gave the knot a final tweak. “And despite your best efforts, you look great.”

I grinned in response. “And as a reward, you’ll let me skip—”

“Howard!”

I sighed, as theatrically as I could manage. “Yes, dear.” Humming the Volga Boatmen’s Song, I picked up my suit jacket.

Bridget said nothing, but the glare was communication enough.

* * *

The maître d’ led us to the table and pulled out a chair for Bridget. I looked around the table at the two other couples, noting the same hangdog look on the men’s faces that I was pretty sure was on mine. Some things just never changed, centuries or light-years away.

Bridget smiled and made introductions. Kumar and Reeda, Arnie and Sylvie, were friends of Bridget’s from back in her biologist days. I wondered for a moment if it was odd that I’d never met them.

Arnie gazed at me intently, his eyes narrowed. “Honestly, Howard, if I didn’t already know you’re an android, I wouldn’t ever have suspected.”

Sylvie turned to him, jaw hanging. “Arnie! For crying out loud!”

“What? Are we supposed to ignore the elephant in the room? Is this a big secret?”

I noted that Kumar was trying to suppress a grin. Reeda seemed to be unable to decide who to support. I waved a hand in dismissal and smiled at Sylvie and Arnie. “No, he’s right. I don’t think I’d be able to take an entire evening of everyone dancing around the topic. Let’s get it out of the way.”

Arnie looked smug, and Sylvie glared at him. Before that could escalate, I continued, “And you wouldn’t have known until I opened up my abdomen to get rid of my meal.” R̃äƝöΒΕṢ

I held my hand up to stop her, and gave Kumar the stink eye. “Why does everyone always want to take over the world? I’ve never understood that. It sounds like a horrible job. Hell, no. We’re going to deal with the Others, but other than that you guys are on your own.”

I’d expressed the sentiment maybe a little more forcefully than intended, because eyebrows went up around the table.

“Look,” I said, trying to smooth things over. “It takes a certain type of person to want to rule. Bob wasn’t that type. None of us are. If anything, once this whole ‘Others’ thing blows over, we’re more likely to just take off. So, no, not a long-term issue.”

Kumar nodded, and the tension seemed to dissipate. But I was left with an uneasy feeling about my statement.

* * *

I pulled off the tie and tossed it onto the kitchen table. “Free, at last!”

Bridget grinned at me as she set the kettle in preparation for her end-of-day tea. “It went well. They seemed to accept you, once the initial awkwardness was taken care of.”

“Did you perhaps prime Arnie to say that?” I gave her the evil eye.

“Not as far as you know.”

I laughed. “Right. So, is there a bigger picture?”

Bridget stared at the kettle for a few moments, perhaps willing it to hurry up. “Howard, you and the other Bobs, you’re kind of like bears or mountain lions—no complex society, mostly solitary animals, very little need to interact. And unlike those animals, you’re also comfortable with each other. I’m sure having very similar attitudes about most things plays into it. But when it comes to other people, it gets more complicated.”

I had to disagree about the no complex society comment, although I had a fair idea what she actually meant by it. But how to explain moots, the rules of VR visits, and so on? I decided to let it pass.

The kettle clicked and she was silent for a moment as she poured. “What I’d really like is for you to be old news instead of a novelty. Just an extreme amputation case, like you said. People need to see you as just another person.”

“People in general?”

“And some specific people.”

“Ah.” Yeah, there’s that. “Okay, Bridget. I’ve long since learned that you’re thinking several steps ahead. I’ll go along. Just as long as I don’t have to wear the damned tie again.”

“No promises. You have to suffer, too.”

I chuckled, and sat with her as she settled down with her tea. While she sipped, I used the time to think about that last exchange with Kumar, and everything that it implied.