blueteamnovel Chapter 212: Deeper Scars.
Chapter 212: Deeper Scars.
From atop a crumbling tower, I watched the devastation I'd left behind. Scenes of past and present played through my eyes. Where hellfire still covered every building. When the people fled, as the deep red flames gradually returned to their normal orange. The hellscape was extinguished, leaving behind its charred remains, but then a second evacuation became necessary. Their water territories could hold against the cursetaceans no longer, and people had to flee. Some swam deeper into the ocean, I was sure, but the stench of Edengar was thick on them. The Angel’s Demise would attack them on sight, and there were so many of them crawling near the former capital of the Angelorian kingdom.The capital was no more, only ruins now. But it was not empty. In place of people, the Angel’s Demise now regard this place as their home. Their curse seeped into the sand, faster than it should. The black landscape spread, and it was not only the ash.
This place was becoming a second deathshore.
Another scar I carved upon this world, like the birth of Pandemonium.
I burned the consequence of my actions into my eyes one more time, and then went back home.
~~~
I entered the venue with a weary but steady gait. I drew the eyes of the other people here to attend the wake, when I didn't matter. Not right now. This funeral was for my friends who died.
I made it to the bench where my parents were, and sat beside them. Light music played in my ears, and I found it far too upbeat for the occasion. We were currently in some sort of park, with sparse trees that somehow drooped somberly, and faded grass that seemed to mourn as they swayed along the wind.
“Hey,” I greeted Mom and Dad sadly. They wore their full combat apparel, as did I. It was the common attire for a New Granderan funeral, provided that the one who died had experienced even a single day of a remotely combat role, and that the specific attendee had that same experience too.
In that respect, both Luine and Angerly qualified. It’s what Luine would’ve wanted. The more positive atmosphere was thanks to Angerly’s wishes. Our wills had long been written. We were ready to die in battle.
I was only ready for myself to die.
“Hi, Haell,” Mom smiled back at me. She didn’t hesitate and gave me a hug.
“How are you holding up?” Dad patted my back, and then did the same.
“Just fine,” I sighed as we broke the embrace.
“That’s good,” they didn’t call out the lie. They’d tried so hard to stop me from doing something so terrible, and then never brought it up again after I’d scorned their earnest pleas.
That was one very quiet trip back home.
“AH! HAELL!” another voice called for me. I turned my head to see who it was, and found a red haired centaur girl.
It was Ragenta, Angerly’s daughter. She looked sad and confused, but with a slowly brightening face.
I raised my hand in a wave. “Hey–”
–But I was interrupted by someone suddenly pulling her away.
“H-Haell! Demon!” the little girl protested, pointing at me.
Her father, Entarin, only grunted but continued to lead away.
“I wanna go PLAY!”
“We can play over there. Look, that kid is so fast, isn’t he?”
“Ooohhhh… Wow. Yeah… But Haell! Haell, you wanna join us?”
I raised a brow and was about to stand when Entarin shot the idea down.
“She can’t right now. She’s busy, okay? Let’s go.”
“Okay…” Ragenta slumped, dejected, as she was picked up by her father.
I glared as Entarin carried her away, never once having even met my gaze. My fists clenched, and my lungs took in air for me to shout… but I released the pressure and breathed it all out.
I didn’t make a scene. Not here. Not now.
I just stood up, and walked away. There were things far more important today.
~~~
“Hey, that’s Haell…”
“I know.”
“The Burning of Gardine!”
“Shhhhh! Don’t be too loud”
“Tsk.”
“Is that even real?”
“What?”
“The Burning of Gardine?”
“Uh, yeah? I think so.”
“It is. Two of my children are in the army, and we’re preparing for a big push.”
“Damn. Nice.”
“Isn’t it a bit excessive, though? Just… burning down the capital like that?”
“Shut up! You idiot!”
“Do you not see what funeral we’re in right now?
“They attacked us first!”
“Our ancestors were long oppressed by them.”
“Okay, okay…”
. I scoffed as I made my way across the funeral park. The people here could only gossip, for they were powerless to change anything. They didn’t understand what it was like to stand at the forefront, and make the difficult choices. It was all a theory to them, something far away. They could only go by the stories we told, yet assumed that they knew any better than me!
I stopped. I put their unnecessary drivel out of my mind, for I’d made it to the coffins. I stared unblinking at Luine, who looked almost as she did in life, as if she were only sleeping. Like she would wake up, if I only called her name.
“Hey, Luine…”
It didn’t work. I received no answer. That was only natural, for my friend was long dead.
The coffin beside her didn’t get even that.
There was no body, only a painting of the bright and cheerful Angerly inside her tomb, along with various memorabilia.
I couldn’t save even a single piece.
They I
I made an effort to have my hearts reflect what I already knew in my mind. I’d done… so many thing wrong, but I was earnest in my attempts to save my friend. I never wanted for her or Luine to die.
~~~
I sat with my friends in the same park venue. I noticed Entarin herding Ragenta away from us again, but there was really nothing I could really do about it. Nothing I was willing to do right now, anyway. So I just kept listening to Elfrafim’s story about that one time she grabbed lunch at Angerly and Entarin’s place, only for the wrong herb to have gotten mixed in, which had everyone scratching their tongues!
“So that’s where you got from!” I laughed, remembering how that day’s dinner had done a number on us! And then I abruptly stopped, once I remembered where I was. This was Angerly and Luine’s funeral. I shouldn’t be laughing right now. It was a time for mourning and–
“Your tongues are so weak! It’s not that bad!” Elfrafim laughed harder than me, and I smiled back. That was fine. This wake had really gone on for too long. I should’ve said something, but I wasn’t really… thinking at the time. I left the decision to others, and they decided to hold Angerly and Luine’s funeral together. Angerly was popular enough, but now we had to wait for Luine’s visitors to make it all the way here, hence the very long wake.
This could not be healthy. It was keeping our wounds open for longer. I didn’t know how our pain would scar after this. My friends were dead, and no amount of mourning would change that.
“I didn’t think you hung out with Angerly that much,” I commented, still keeping that same smile on my face. I could’ve actually healed the itchplum and washed it out of my mouth back then, but I refrained because you had to respect a good prank.
Those were good times.
“Reapsow City is just a quick run away, no big deal,” Elfrafim responded, referring to city we were in. It was Angerly’s home in the end, so it was where she returned.
“Hm. True.” I did visit them too, whenever the mood struck. But now, it felt for all the world that I didn’t do enough. I should’ve visited more.
“I wish I’d spent more time with them,” Arx lamented too, echoing my own feelings.
“Yeah. It sucks,” I agreed. And we all knew whose fault it was. The same fuckers who killed Angerly and Luine, were also the ones who kept Arx trapped and alone for so long!
I growled, but didn’t do any more than that. I let my body fall, and leaned unto Moonwash. She was currently drawing something on her sketchpad, and I raised a brow.
“You really like this place, huh?” I blurted out, stupidly. What she was drawing now looked very similar to what she was working on last time. The same park, the same people, but seen from a different angle. It was amazing how different and livelier it looked, just with that small change.
“I’m really sad that Luine and Angerly died. And it feels like it might be wrong to work on other things right now. So I’m doing things related while waiting.”
“Ah.” So even she felt like that. I closed my eyes, and felt the rabid curses inside me wane just a little.
~~~
I was just taking a break from this funeral that had lasted for way too many days when Entarin suddenly bumped into me right outside the venue park.
The centaur man flinched, startled. He finally met my gaze, and in his eyes I saw anger, grief, and the desperation to be anywhere but here. He was already in fight or flight.
I’d seen him coming, of course, but what should I scurry away like a scared rat?
“Hey,” I tried.
With a monumental effort of will, I did not say any of the first things that came to mind.
And yet still, Entarin huffed and turned away without a word, after I’d tried so hard to be nice.
“Hey, wait!” I snapped. He did not listen, so I opened my mouth to scream… but instead spoke more softly than that. “I’m… sorry.”
He froze.
“...What?”
“I promised… that I would bring Angerly back. But I failed. So I’m sorry about that. I feel terrible about it too. I tried my best, but it wasn’t enough.”
“You promised… Haell, is that what you think this is about? Do you think that’s why I don’t want Ragenta around someone like you?”
“?”
“No!” It was his turn to snap. “It’s because you killed an entire city’s worth of people, Haell. An entire capital!”
My expression hardened further. “They’re the ones who killed your wife. I did it to avenge–”
“NO!” His screams grew louder, and the layabouts who were trying to hide their interest before now swarmed like a fucking crowd of hungry dogs. “No you didn’t! Don’t you fucking dare say this was for Angerly! She never wanted this! She would be ashamed! BUT NOW THAT’S ALL I HEAR ABOUT HER! She died for that massacre, for that genocide! For the Burning of Gardine! When that’s the opposite of what she would’ve wanted to happen! She was the kindest, gentlest soul I knew, and now that’s her legacy! THAT’S YOUR FUCKING LEGACY, YOU DEMON! AND YOU HAD NO FUCKING RIGHT TO STICK THAT ONTO ANGERLY!”
He was crying now, uncaring of the crowd that we’d attracted. I stood there like a statue, impassive with sheer grief and regret. Anger and offense warred in my brain.
I clenched my fists, and flew away.
~~~
The final day of the funeral had finally come. Way too many people were allowed to talk and give their own eulogies, but perhaps that just went to show how beloved both Luine and Angerly were. I didn’t think I would get that much if I died. It’d all just be about the violence and the death I’d spread.
I was glad my friends got something better. I was proud that they were better people.
I stood in front of everyone now, to tell them exactly about how we’d just lost our best.
“.” The gathered crowd did not understand what that meant. We had sound enchantments sometimes, but they weren’t often needed. My gaze roved over their faces, and far too many of them were specially interested in what I had to say. “. Luine and Angerly. I am… so deeply sad and hurt that they had died. I was very angry about it too, I still am. They were both very close friends that I loved. Luine has always been a family friend from the very start. She’s like that super cool aunt, and it was always so fun to hang out at her orphanage. It’s not like other ones of its kind, it’s better than the households most children could hope for. And it’s such a tragedy that she was taken away while she tried to save one of her children.” I paused. “So, Angerly. She died too, and it was devastating. Angerly was a friend I’ve known from childhood, an adventurer that I’ve had the greatest pleasure of traveling across the continent with. She’s always been dependable and bright; when interacting with people normally for sure, but also even in the darkest of times, when we witnessed… some of the worst this world has to offer. She never let it keep her down.” I remembered that completely brainwashed look on Angerly’s face upon her death, and I had to take a few seconds to not flip out right now, in front of everyone.
“She’s always been a force for good and positivity,” I continued. “She was always the best of us, someone so willing and able to selflessly lift us up. She’s an example that we could never live up to, certainly not me. For I have done things… that my friend would never do, things that she would certainly hate and disapprove of. I’ve thought long and hard about how to say this next part, to be sleek and subtle about it, but I don’t really know how to other than direct.” I met Entarin’s eyes, and held that hard stare. “I regret what I did upon her death. It’s not what she would’ve wanted. I was wrong. was wrong. The faction that killed her was effectively dead, yet I to kill the normal regular people who were left. Whereas Angerly had done the opposite in life, she was kind to people, no matter if they were poor. She was a woman of community, whose mere presence could brighten anyone’s day. She to end the oppression of New Grandera, not to perpetuate it. In fact that was precisely what she was doing when she was kidnapped and taken. She had given of herself, of her time, her soul, her intellect; in order to rehabilitate and integrate the people who had long suffered under that callous and cruel regime. , she was a force for peace and hope. Angerly, you were too good for this world. I hope… your next world is something that’s good enough for you.”
It was weird to know for certain that reincarnation was a thing. I was still phenomenally sad about the passing of my friends, but I felt that it did lighten the load, just a little.
I glanced at Entarin again before I went back to my seat, but he still looked displeased.
That was perfectly fine. He could hate me all he wanted. But he was absolutely right about how my legacy should not be Angerly’s. Therefore, I said today what I had to say. I… didn’t think it would actually work, but I had to try and right even just a portion of this wrong.
~~~
“My wife is dead,” Salaire began, and I immediately felt my hearts grow even heavier. “Luine died trying to save our daughter, Angerly, but as you can see…” the belfegor woman choked and sobbed, but kept on going. “It didn’t work. We weren’t strong enough. And because of that, Edengar was able to kill two people very important to me that day. We retaliated, we took our revenge, we made it ; but it did not bring back the dead. But at least I know that in doing so, I did what they would’ve wanted. Luine’s whole life had been dedicated to finally ousting Edengar from this continent, and now we’re so much closer to completing the work. I just wish… she was here to see it.” The tears stopped, and the pink-skinned woman raised her head to look at the crowd around her. “But in her absence, I shall be the one to see it though. This I swear. So rest in peace, and move on to your next life without regrets, Luine. Leave the rest to me, my love.”
Salaire kept talking for a while longer, speaking about how energetic Angerly was as a child, and how she always looked out for those who were bullied. She then spoke about her wife, how she and Luine met at the guild, and the terrible adventuring parties they joined. The two of them ditched all those losers, but kept on adventuring together as a duo, until finally they found the one party that would persist for the rest of their lives. She lamented once more, how Luine was the first of them to go.
“Not that I want any of my friends to have died in her place,” she joked. “We… knew the risks. It’s part of the job. And Luine did admirably. It’s just… it’s…” she broke down again in the end. “I always pictured our death… you know, surrounded by all the kids we raised, and looking over all that we have built. Something peaceful. Maybe… maybe that’s the child in me still talking. It’s not how people like us meet their ends.”
~~~
“Angerly… would be greatly saddened by what her death had led to.” Entarin came on right after Salaire. “It is a tragedy that she never would’ve wished on anyone. The woman that I married was kind and caring, in ways that were simply too good for this world. She helped people, as you’ve all kindly spoken about. She could really understand individuals, and listen, in a way that I’ve never seen anyone else do.”
Entarin then took his time talking about the simplest of things, like how they would wake up together, the breakfasts they’d eat, her favorite books, Angerly’s terrible but lovable taste in the smallest of trinkets, or the way they’d just hang out when Angerly was supposed to be on guard detail. But that didn’t mean at all that she was slacking, for she proved courageous in the end, sacrificing herself so that they may live.
“It should’ve been me… it should’ve been me… If I wasn’t so weak, if Angerly had just abandoned us, then maybe she would still be alive.”
The centaur man fell to his knees, and wailed.
Entarin eventually got off the stage after thanking us once again for being here today.
His eulogy was the last, and soon a choir sang as their coffins… were lit aflame.
The bright orange light reflected off my eyes as the last vestiges of my friends burned. It was so much gentler compared to my own flame, and yet I was reminded anyway of that day I burned down Gardine. It was like that flame had never ceased, just waiting for its true conclusion today.
I did it for them, in my mind. I did it so my friends would never be targeted just to get to me again. I did it for my own rage and pain. I’d gone too far already, and I could only double down. My imagination could not reach beyond those bounds. My destruction begot destruction, and this time they were the ones destroyed.
It was the funeral Luine would’ve wanted.
It wasn’t the one Angerly wished for.
It was the most common one in New Grandera, yes, but this was a diverse place of many cultures. And in those, my late friend had found beauty in the customs of the harpies. She wanted to give even in death, for what’s left of her to be harvested and remade as armaments and clothes, to protect and comfort those she loved the most in life.
But even that final wish was denied to her, for the way that she died, reduced only to indistinct mush.
I understood my mistakes, and I swore to be better. But my enemies made it , to not just blame them for everything.