I Became a Murderer in the Academy.

Chapter 21

The monsters pouring out from the depths of the cave seemed to be fleeing from something even deeper.

It was something sinister, much larger and fiercer than anything we had seen so far.

Is that also a monster?

But it was eating other monsters.

I saw it chewing on monsters in the deeper darkness.

Cannibalism? Were monsters originally such creatures?

In fact, I don’t know what kind of race monsters are.

The only monster I’ve seen until now was myself, so I thought they would be similar to me.

Maybe that wasn’t always the case.

That giant monster showed hostility toward me, too.

It might be hostile to all living things.

I tried to read its memories, but I couldn’t.

Of course, I couldn’t show it hallucinations either.

It wasn’t that it didn’t work.

I was observing its appearance closely but couldn’t find its eyes.

I can’t use my ability if I can’t meet its eyes.

It seemed impossible to subdue it without fighting.

“What is that...?”

Lucia showed a terrified expression but didn’t let go of her sword.

It was the Aster sword style I had seen before.

Was she planning to face that thing?

It wasn’t a good decision.

We should have just turned around and run away.

“I think we should just leave.”

I said, slowly observing the situation.

Judging by the amount of magical energy I could sense, I could roughly guess how strong that monster was.

It was overwhelmingly stronger than Lucia.

Charging at it would be tantamount to a suicide attempt.

Lucia seemed to understand this fact, too.

She withdrew her sword and took a step back.

“...Yeah, that sounds better.”

“Run!”

Sensing danger, Lucia and Rena ran towards the exit.

I didn’t particularly want to fight either, so I ran after them.

Lucia and Rena seemed to be feeling fear of something they were seeing for the first time.

But I didn’t feel anything this time either.

Is the emotion of fear already gone, non-existent for me?

It could also be because I’m stronger than that monster.

I was intrigued by the monster of a form I’d never seen before, but I couldn’t use my power with the two of them watching.

I decided to quietly slip away.

After running for a while like that,

“W-wait a minute! Everyone stop!”

“Ugh?!”

Rena, who was running at the front, shouted.

A giant shadow was blocking the way in the direction of the exit.

It was something similar in form to what we had seen before.

It had surrounded us.

Not knowing what to do, Lucia and Rena fell into panic.

“W, what’s going on here?!”

“Maybe... it came back through that fork in the road we saw earlier. I’m not sure if there were two from the beginning...”

Well.

“Take Rena and get out of here.”

It was the only method I could think of right now.

More precisely, there was no other method besides this.

Even if I subdued the monster at the exit and ran, another entity would block the way.

Rather than that, it was better to focus all the monster’s attention on me.

“What, what about you!”

“...!”

Lucia shouted while cutting down the shadows extending from all directions with her sword.

Is she worried about me?

I looked at Lucia with surprised eyes.

She had a very urgent expression on her face.

It was an expression I had never seen before.

I thought such an expression on her looked very unnatural.

Even as a courtesy, Lucia and I couldn’t be called on good terms.

She had challenged me to a fight to take the top student position from me, and I had tormented her for it.

Thinking normally, shouldn’t she be happy that I’d sent the two of them out and stay here?

If I die, the top student position would naturally pass to her.

“Just go,” I said, gripping a high-grade magic stone in my hand.

Human emotions are, well, incomprehensible.

Now, the time when I was human feels like ancient history.

As I scattered the shadow once with my fist wrapped in wind, Lucia took Rena and escaped.

Until the end, she tried to take me along, but I refused.

It’s not like we could shake them off even if all three of us ran away anyway.

Lucia’s behavior was not rational.

Isn’t it more beneficial to have one person stay behind to buy time rather than all of us perishing here?

If someone’s sacrifice can save two lives, isn’t that a blessing in itself?

Worrying about me is an action buried in emotion, not reason.

You can understand it if you think calmly, even for a moment.

My judgment is correct, and Lucia’s action is wrong.

But why?

More than making the rationally correct judgment, I envied having emotions to cling to.

It was something I could no longer feel.

“......”

As I watched Lucia escape like that, I thought it would be nice to feel something called emotion too.

***

From what I’ve experienced living in this world, emotions are more useless than one might think.

That’s because they interfere with making rational judgments.

Having emotions is disadvantageous.

It’s like baggage that can turn intelligent humans into fools at crucial moments.

But why am I so disappointed that I can’t have it?

I just felt empty, like a hollow doll.

Even now, that’s how it is.

I’m frustrated about something I can’t have, but even this sensation will flare up briefly like a flame and then cool down.

I’ll be envious for a moment, but soon, I’ll resign myself.

That’s what it means to feel emotions shallowly.

And,

“...Ah.”

It cooled down.

As the briefly flared emotion subsided, it became as quiet as if my heart had stopped.

This is a sensation that has now become routine.

I drew my dagger, then raised my head toward the monster’s direction.